“Dante’s Inferno: Revamped” part 1 ~
Since The Great American Eclipse last year, I’ve been on quite the journey. Now I’m not sure as to how I should go about describing said journey, but seeing as the last 12 months of my life have been a journey through my own personal hell down to the last urine-inducing nightmare, I feel that "Dante's Inferno" is pretty fitting for the nature of this specfic growth process.
A few months pre-eclipse season, I experienced the loss of someone very dear to my heart. This person was the first I’d met who truly made me feel seen, someone who made me feel as though I wasn’t absolutely batshit with my musings and theories, and gave me the space to be myself authentically. After their death, I spent the better half of that experience numb to any and all forms of external stimuli. For the most part, I lived life on autopilot and never took the time to really process the pain or the grief and went on like I couldn’t be bothered. On a deeper level, I'd completely closed my heart chakra and sacral chakras which caused this intese period of numbing depression.
Unbeknownst to me, this event was only the first leg of the marathon and I was only being prepared to be broken down even farther. In the Fall of 2017 directly following the eclipse, I enrolled in college and spent that whole first semester not only completely losing any shred of sanity I believed myself to have, but I lost myself or at least who I believed myself to be.
I’ll be the first to tell you that this was and is not a pretty process. It will hurt. It will be messy. No, you won’t want to keep pushing. Yes you may literally want to kill yourself, but I will be the first to tell you that the outcome is truly worth the shitshow that you’ll experience when you finally decide to take the plunge. When it comes to this journey of self, you have to be all in. There’s no half stepping or dipping of the toe, it's either come or be dragged. Take the nature of the Phoenix as an allegory of this journey; one must destroy the very fabric of all they believe to “know” in order to truly be reborn as something better. Still yourself in essence, but changed. Although one may break and feel broken, similar to that of stained glass, their broken pieces will come together to create something beautiful.
Are you willing to take the leap? More importantly, are you willing to die?
stay tuned for part 2 :)