Expectations vs. projections and the hidden energy vamp
Way too often do I see projections wrapped up and disguised as expectations, knowingly but more often unknowingly. Seeing this occur so frequently made me ask “what is the purest difference between expectations and projections?”. I’ve concluded that expectations are a two-way street while projections are a one-way. Expectations at the core, or first layer, are not actions nor a list of demands, they are an agreement of understanding pertaining to a specific subject; they’re purely mental. The second layer of expectations revolve around agreements towards actions. Expectations as a verb. I believe this is where most people jump straight to when dealing with expectations.
Example, If Shiva and I both agree that he likes anime, then the foundation of expectations as a verb has been set,but no actions can be assumed from just this. I can’t assume he would want to visit an anime convention with just an understanding of “he likes anime”. If you’re thinking “well why the hell wouldn’t he like anime conventions if he likes anime” then you’re now projecting. Maybe Shiva hates large crowds, organized fun or cosplay in general. See where I’m going with this? The only way for me to know whether Shiva likes anime conventions is to set the second layer of expectations which is expectations as a verb. I would have to simply ask Shiva if he liked going to anime conventions since he likes anime. Now this may seem like nit picking, but this happens all the time unnoticed and, as a result, snowballs into a cluster fuck of confusion and miscommunication. Whenever we form opinions or ideas pertaining another person without their involvement, it becomes a one-way street. A projection. Surprising Shiva with a trip to an anime convention without confirming that he likes anime conventions may seem innocent but could end disastrous, especially if he gets major anxiety from large crowds. The truth of the matter is we don’t know the deeper workings of another person, no matter how much we think we do.
Here’s another innocent example of projections disguised as expectations, someone saying “I could learn so much about spirituality from being your friend”. This is an educated projection since I teach spiritual concepts. Who’s to say that my everyday life with friends would provide you with your requirements for learning? Maybe I only do ignorant hood shit with friends as a break from my intense spiritual mindset and practices. Now let’s say there was no conversation about the “I could learn so much about spirituality from being your friend” idea between us and that person sought out my friendship. By developing this one-sided idea they’ve essentially created an empty folder in their mind labeled “things I’ll learn from being friends with MamaKali”. This is the beginning stages of birthing an energy vamp. Mother nature is all about efficiency, if you study sacred geometry then you know exactly what I’m talking about. There are no empty spaces when dealing with the laws of nature, she fills every space with something even if it’s no thing (not nothing Lol). The owner of the “things I’ll learn from being friends with MamaKali” folder will subconsciously/unconsciously find a way to fill that empty space, and if I’m unaware of this folder then I become the victim to that energy vamp.
The examples listed show why communication is vital and the most important factor in relationships of all types. Setting expectations doesn’t have to be a whole ceremony with a serious tone and straight face Lol it’s as simple as asking questions. Going back to the Shiva anime example, when It was brought up that he likes anime I could build upon that understanding by asking action-based questions such as “do you like anime conventions” or “do you have any anime clothing”. By doing this I’ve set “expectations as a verb” and not just as a mental understanding. Going back to the let’s be friends example, If that person asks, “do you think your friends are learning and benefiting from your spiritual practices?” it then opens the floor for setting expectations as a verb and eliminating the possibility of growing an energy vamp. I could list a million other examples of projections disguised as expectations Lol but hopefully I’ve clearly expressed my opinions and thoughts on the key difference between the two. Again, expectations are layered and are a two-way street while projections are a one-way. If you’re having difficulty figuring out if your thoughts are an expectation or projection, then I have a simple flow chart below that may be of assistance in deciphering. Let me know in the comments if anyone has projected onto you with the idea of it being an expectation.